Sunday, October 2, 2022
Home HEALTH Mom and Grandma have favorites - Chicago Tribune

Mom and Grandma have favorites – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy, Our daughter has two daughters one year apart.

She obviously favors the younger one.

Examples: Displays an image of only the youngest on your phone screen. We talk at night with our granddaughters and when we talk to the youngest, they always yell at the oldest about something, while she pays positive attention to the youngest.

Our daughter goes shopping with the youngest all the time while the oldest stays at home with dad.

I asked him, “Why not take the oldest?” She said that the eldest daughter is not interested. I’m thinking, “Well, make it go away!”

When the girls spend the night with us, I purposely prefer the older one.

My husband plays with the youngest while I look for the oldest, hug her, snuggle her and give her lots of love.

Am I wrong in trying to offset six days of favoritism towards the younger ones with one day of favoritism towards the older ones?

I can’t say anything to our daughter because I’m afraid of offending her and then we would never see the girls.

– caring grandmother

Dear Grandma, If your daughter were to respond to her own mother’s respectful observation by denying her access to the children, then her problems might be greater than this imbalance of attention.

You sound very sensitive on the subject of favoritism. I’m not sure leaving a child home from shopping because she doesn’t want to go is an example of…anything, but I do agree that parental favoritism has a negative effect on the whole family. your own!

You see that mom favors the little ones, so you favor the older ones.

I agree that it is compassionate and loving to treat your oldest granddaughter with a lot of attention. Each child wants to be recognized as an individual and appreciated for his or her unique presence. All children want to be “seen,” especially by a treasured grandparent.

This includes her youngest granddaughter. It would be a good example for both girls if you treated them as a team at times, promoting balance and bonding, while finding special time to spend with each.

Dear Amy, I have a sister and no other brothers. My parents divorced 28 years ago and live in the state I grew up in.

About 18 years ago, my sister followed me to the same city that I have lived in for about 24 years. One of the reasons she was supposedly moved to be closer to my children, though in reality she never saw them more than a few times a year for birthdays and holidays.

After cutting my parents out of her life in 2019, she cut me out of her life in 2021. She was mad that I took her to the hospital during a very bad manic episode. She has no contact with my children.

I love her, but I have come to accept that given her mental illness, I can never do enough for her, and no longer wish to ride her roller coaster of false accusations and the other drama she invites into her life. a regular basis.

I am the guardian of our father, who lives in an independent living center that I organized for him.

Although he is not at death’s door, I know that I will be the person in charge of making arrangements for the end of his life when the time comes.

Given the fact that my sister has been separated from both parents for three years and no longer communicates with me or my family, what are my obligations, if any, to inform her of my parents’ passing when the time finally comes?

– Hurt and Confused

Dear wounded: In the event of the death of your parents, you are obliged to inform your sister. She is not bound beyond that, nor is she responsible for her behavior or her choices.

ask amy

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I state that in my sincere belief that you will regret it if you don’t.

Dear Amy, “Wife Looking for Answers” ​​was terrified by her husband’s reckless driving. We also face this. Our settlement came from our insurance company. We installed a “Drive Safe and Save” device and have an app on our phones.

Control your speed, acceleration, cornering, braking and phone distraction. Data tracking became a game.

When our insurance rates went down due to good driving, we were both happy!

– Secure Solution

Dear Safe, Several readers suggested this. Gamifying safe driving seems to work.

©2022 Amy Dickinson.

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