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Home ENTERTAINMENT FBI Believes MyPillow Guy Committed Crimes Beyond Selling Shitty Pillows

FBI Believes MyPillow Guy Committed Crimes Beyond Selling Shitty Pillows

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Federal Bureau of Investigation seized the cell phone of Mike Lindell, better known as the MyPillow guy, in the belief that he may have “committed crimes beyond selling shitty pillows,” a spokesman for the Federal Bureau of Investigation confirmed. FBI.

Although the FBI seized Lindell’s phone, they did not confiscate any of his pillows. “Nobody wanted that,” the spokesman said.

Shortly after the seizure, Republicans claimed that Attorney General Merrick Garland was acting out of personal revenge because he had bought MyPillow and was upset at how horrible it was.

“I did not purchase MyPillow,” Garland clarified in a prepared statement. “However, I heard they suck.”

Lindell received vehement support from another Republican luminary, Don Bolduc, the GOP candidate for US Senate in New Hampshire. “This is a rigged witch hunt,” Bolduc said. “MyPillow guy has never sold a pillow.”

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